I came to the conclusion long ago … that all religions were true and also that all had some error in them, and whilst I hold by my own, I should hold others as dear as Hinduism. So we can only pray, if we are Hindus, not that a Christian should become a Hindu … But our innermost prayer should be a Hindu should be a better Hindu, a Muslim a better Muslim, a Christian a better Christian. ~Gandhi. "Young India" (19 January 1928)

*~

Why should a Christian want to convert a Hindu to Christianity? Why should he not be satisfied if the Hindu is a good or godly man? ~Gandhi. "Harijan" (30 January 1937)

Have you ever had one of those people in your life who always notice your faults and pick at your ideals? They never notice the good things you do, only the mistakes you make?

Yeah, it's kind of depressing.

I wonder what makes a person act that way?

I mean, I am far from perfect myself.... I just don't get it I guess.

women are fucking scandalous. ugh. Last night reminded me why I have very few women friends.

Be positive Devan. Take a deep breath. It's all good.

So. How was YOUR night?

Finally! We have had one weekend last month that was 80, but this is the first true summer weather we have experienced. The last 3 days the temps have risen about 10 degrees each day. I hated the humid summers in ATL, but I do miss summer and the few humid days we have here are more than tolerable.

According to KATU Meteorologist Rod Hill:

Tomorrow will likely be the hottest of the week west of the Cascades. Portland is expected to reach 94 degrees. The coast will see cities reach 80 for the 2nd day. Cooler and more humid weather is forecasted this weekend.

uh huh. That's what I'm talking about!

I had a bit of an anxiety attack today. Actually, it was worse than most any I have had. Brought on by my own behavior. I meant well, it was bad because I work in Revenue assurance and continually tried to explain (which I shouldn't have bothered with) to the customer that I had to verify him as the signer of the CC he was using. The customer on the phone today said that was mean and rude. I assure you that was not my intention. I have been trying so hard to be as positive as I can but today I failed miserably. Thank heaven tomorrow is another day.

I took a Xanax that the Dr had prescribed but I was so stressed I took double the dose. Fell asleep on my bus and came within 20 minutes of taking that bus way the heck out of my way. Thankful, I had all of 20 seconds when I woke that made me realize I was going to be going the very very wrong way. lol No anxiety attack needs that much Xanax I suppose. lol

I KNOW I will be better tomorrow. I just have to put myself in the right mindset. *breaths deeply* And I can sooooo do that.

Shame on me!~

If you don't know already Adobe came out with a simple easy FREE Photoshop editing tool. It's free and fabulous! I know I know, I said free already..

https://www.photoshop.com/express/landing.html

We've had constantly changing weather here lately. Last Friday & Saturday were beautiful with cloudless blue skiess, sun sun sun, and temps in the mid 70's. So what did I decide to do? Go to a higher elevation to see snow twice as high as I am tall. lol

I ventured to Mt Hood on a whim at around 3pm Saturday last. It was amazing. Of course I got pictures but as I am behind in my editing (since mid December!) they likely won't be posted on Flickr for a bit. I am up right now sorting through the thousands of pics I took to prepare for editing so I am on the right track and I need to write about it as well soon. It was spectacular!

This weekend however snow is expected as low as 1000 feet. Of course we likely won't get it here on the valley floor in Portland I am at about 500 ft.) but it's way colder and going to be rainy all weekend and this week has been kind of cold. SUch is life in Portland Oregon! lol I still love every second of it, regardless of the weather. I often hear people complain about the endless rain in winter but after all, it IS Portland. That's just the way it is here. I appreciate all of the weather, good or bad.

Since being on unemployment for 6 months I got a bit lazy. *hides* So much so I gained 20 lbs back of the many more that I had lost. I feel more accepting of who I am these days so I know it will come off again since I am now working and walking much more.

I am happy though. Insanely happy. Beyond normal happiness. I haven't had anything in particular happen but I am enjoying my life and feeling very positive about the future. No anxiety attacks or panic attacks in the recent past and I have started to believe that attitude is everything as far as that is concerned.

I contact John from time to time but he never answers. I don't know why I do it, but I think after spending nearly 10 years with someone it's hard to believe that something of a friendship goes away completely. Maybe someday he will answer, maybe he won't but either way it's all good. I don't need him in my life anymore in the least, but I am tired of being so full of negative feelings for him. I wish him happiness even if he doesn't feel the same toward me.

I try very hard these days to love everyone I meet, accept them for who they are and let go of the anger, hatred and bitterness that I built up over the last many years. Seems so counter productive. Ya know?

I guess that's it as Gandalf is staring at me like he plans to jump up on my desk and purr and love and pester me, keeping me from typing any further. Silly kitty. He makes me feel so loved. *grin*

I am not sure if I am in the majority or the minority, maybe it's because I am an animal lover...

Whatever it may be, if I owned my home and had an big enough tree, I'd let him move there in a second. Hell, if I had my own home I'd invite him to just move in. I'm not even kidding, I'm dead serious.

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/358161_needle08.html?woo

I kind of respect him for just being who he is and being happy with what he has. We're all so driven for material things and yet he's happy with a little bit of nothing but his critters and his treehouse, such as it is.

Taken from here: http://www.spiritsite.com/writing/chakas/part9.shtml

Buddhism is about self-knowledge, a fearless exploration of all we are, so we can be friends with ourselves. Dating with a Buddhist consciousness means a willingness to confront anything inside that kindles fear or anxiety. When we start wanting to run away, be deceptive, tell lies, or put on a mask, we need to walk right into our fears, sit down, and talk to them until they become our friends. This doesn't mean we have a goal of getting rid of fear; rather, we accept it as part of our unfolding journey.

We begin our journey always remembering that there is a circular relationship between our ability to know and love another and our ability to know and love ourselves. I hasten to add that loving oneself doesn't mean that we are perfect, fixed, all together, or any of those other common phrases. It means we are fully alive to our humanness -- accepting, compassionate, amused.

Ultimately, as we become friends with ourselves and give up demanding that the universe provide us with a lover, we become truly open to meeting a special person with whom to share this journey of awakening.

If money makes the world go 'round...

Personal contentedness makes life worth living.

Cause I said so.

I would live back in California and run a no kill shelter that someone else would do all the cleaning for me!

Damn it's been a busy week. It's 1:23am my time as I begin writing this. I really need to go to bed but I have so much on my mind!

Hope everyone is well and if you aren't, I hope the tides change for you soon.

Love you all!

Life changes you in so many ways. Circumstances play an enormous role in these changes. Moving to Oregon was so very healthy for my soul and my healing. I'm glad I moved here. Even though I plan to leave in the fall for Phoenix.

Some friends that I met here, on January 2, 2007, pointed some things out to me this weekend.
The person I am now, is so very different than the person I was this time last year. We all sat around the table last night at dinner recalling (and laughing) the way I was then, compared to who I have become. I'm surprised they actually tolerated me this long. I am blessed to have found friends like this.

I have found passions I didn't know I had, and a humbling that I never though possible.

My best friend Honsell, who moved from Atlanta to Portland to be my roomie in March of last year has a lot to do with these changes. He is now happily living with a woman he met here and found the peace he was looking for. I am so freaking thrilled things are good for him finally.

A dear friend moved to Atlanta from here, and has become friends with my beautiful Heather. That too, is a blessing. It keeps me grounded and creates a certain amount of honesty in me too. There is no denying the past anymore. It was there and though, and sometimes I feel I wasted my 30's, but I realize that it was a learning experience and has ultimately helped me become a better person. I live a low key life now. No big house, no nice car, no batting my eyes and getting whatever I want. It's good for me. Healthy in every way.

I don't like the person I was anymore, and though I can now admit my faults more, I am also able to realize how unhealthy my marriage was then. I have learned that the things John did to me were not my fault, but I probably pushed him there. There are some things he did that had nothing to do with me and were just downright cruel, but that's ok too. I like me more now than I ever have. I couldn't have said that when I arrived here in Portland nearly 16 months ago.

I had a bad week last week but it caused me to formulate a plan for my life. I am going to try to move to Phoenix with some friends in the fall. I hope to stay there a few years and then move back to California for good. Life is short and I want to experience as much as I can, experience some new places before I settled into my home, California, where life started for me 40 years ago.

The most important lesson I have learned is that my happiness depends on me, not someone else.

I'm happy. Life isn't perfect, but I am finally happy. That's worth everything in the world.

Hanging at home. On a Saturday night. I don't really miss the partying all the time. I feel more centered lately. That's a good thing.

Went shopping today. Got Jamba Juice and went to Moe's. Got a couple of bras. Yeah I know - no one cares but it's all I did today. lol

The folks who live downstairs are moving out tomorrow and having one hell of a party tonight so I imagine I will be up for a while as it's only 10 pm here and there are many hours of partying left for them... hehe

I am now going to watch "Into the Wild" the book was wonderful so I anticipate the movie to be good. Or at least I hope...

Anyone around? I have been gone for a minute, or a million.

Can't sleep. WIDE awake.

Wondering if I can post mobile phone pics, directly from my phone, here on LJ yet. You know, like yahoo 360 and Vox...

Have an interview Monday. Data Analysis. A bit of a chore to get to and from work but a better gig. We'll see.

Eating Nutty American Trail Mix from Trader Joe's. My favorite. They also have these dark chocolate covered blueberries that are fabulous... wait, I think I have some of those left in the pantry... *raises eyebrow*

Did my taxes. Reading the Law of Attraction.

Benie went to the beach for the weekend so Kayla is staying here with me.

I should try to sleep. Where is that stupid Tylenol PM?

The beach, the ocean, was bright and cheery and happy the last time we were there. It was just the way everyone loves it. The sun bright and shining, the sky and air clear. It was most people's idea of 'perfect' beach weather.

Today the ocean was angrier. The sky more foreboding. But then... wait! A moment of bright, bright sunshine... but only fleeting. The waves crashed harder and the water had a bit of a chill. One moment your summer beach clothes or bathing suit were perfect, the next moment the wind and the clouds came together making you clutch yourself to keep from shivering. Beads of sweat on your neck at times, your nose cold and numb the next. It was exhilarating!

Beautiful doesn't even begin to describe it. It was magnificent. I am pretty happy with the initial glance at the pictures I took. I just hope they portray the mood and aesthetic of the day. We stayed much longer than we intended to but we also poked around in a few shops, had some ice cream, looked at a few galleries, bla bla.

I really liked one particular sculpture place in Cannon Beach, I can't recall the name of it but I can certainly recall the cute long haired Korean guy working the gallery desk. Huzzah indeed! Oh, and the art was fantastic, some of it a little gaudy, some of it a little strange, some breathtaking, etc

The aforementioned sculpture place should not be confused with pictures you will see on my Flickr account (in reference to today) that are of some sort of 'metal sculpture shop' on Sunset Hwy. Their stuff comes from Mexico (per the gruff owner today) and costs hundreds and hundreds of $$$. lol The gallery in Cannon Beach was even more pricey but I would be more inclined to buy art there than torched metal. Just sayin.' (Though admittedly, some of the torched metal was pretty darn cool)

Kayla found an intact but quite small (the size of a quarter!) sandollar thing on the beach today as we walked toward Haystack Rock. She most graciously allowed me to keep it, so that I could send it to someone who will appreciate it very much I think.

Anyway, I should have gone to bed long ago so... I think I will do just that. Goodnight...

*EDIT* Couldn't sleep without looking up that gallery in Cannon beach I liked. LOL Damn mind won't shut up sometimes. *shakes head* Anyway, It's the Bronze Coast Gallery. Here is their site: www.bronzecoastgallery.com I didn't browse it because I want to go back to bed. Regardless, the stuff in the shop today was pretty fun.

If you won $100 this afternoon, what would you do with it?

Put $50 on my cell bill, give 25 to Honz and keep 25 for me. Boring, but completely true.